A pair of ducks.

Whoa, it has been a shockingly, embarrassingly long time since I posted. Um, sorry? It's one of my goals for this school year to be better at communicating and staying in touch. So I'm officially sending that goal into the blogosphere so that you, kind readers, can hold me accountable.

Great, now that that business is taken care of...what the heck have I been up to? More than I can tell you about in a blog post, I assure you. And really, though I should update you on all the news (which I'll try to do in the near future), that's not what I'm thinking about tonight.

Tonight I'm thinking about paradox. Or, as the kids at the missionary training I attended almost a year ago learned, a pair of ducks. The ducks were named Yay and Yuck, and were designed to teach the kids about how it's very possible to have very conflicting emotions about the same event.

The event is leaving America and returning to Haiti. I was supposed to return to Haiti last Thursday, but postponed that flight due to Tropical Storm Isaac. I had spent several days running around like a crazy person, doing last-minute errands, packing, squeezing in time with as many beloved people as possible. My heart wasn't quite ready to leave.

One of many faces I'm sad to leave behind.

Then, all of a sudden, I was leaving a full five days later...and my heart changed. I was grateful for extra days with family and friends, but I was ready to be back, ready to see people I love in Haiti, ready to jump into my job with enthusiasm. I was feeling that way until, oh, 8:00 this morning. Then it was a tennis match of "I'm not ready to leave everyone" and "But I'm ready to get back and see my kids and my friends". Back and forth, back and forth.

I feel a certain peace and reassurance about being back in Haiti. But the actions required between now and then -  the saying goodbye to loved ones, the weariness of travel, the thoughts of all the people (and things...I won't lie, I have LOVED taking hot showers over the past month!!) I'm leaving behind - just seem hard. I would just as soon not have to deal with those things. But I trust that the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:7).

Some of the faces I'm ready to get back to!

So here's to the ducks, and to acknowledging that it's okay to experience conflicting emotions. Here's to a month at home that I will treasure in my heart for all the sweet time spent with wonderful people who I love SO much. And here's to the months ahead, the new things that God has in store.

God is God, God is good, and God is faithful.